


All Hail the Personal Therapist

by SlimReaper



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Functionist Council - Freeform, How to change your function and designation in 3 councilors or less, M/M, Other, SFW but suggestive, TF5 is brought to you by valve lubricant, Valvotron - Freeform, iopele, you can't make this shit up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimReaper/pseuds/SlimReaper
Summary: Valvoline is the official sponsor of TF5. They made a limited-edition Transformer to celebrate and named him Valvotron. I'm not making this up.





	All Hail the Personal Therapist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladydragon76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydragon76/gifts).



> LD, this is at least 50% your fault. Possibly even 65%. 
> 
> And as far as I can tell, I'm the first person to use Valvotron as a character tag, and this makes me ridiculously happy.

Two-of-Twelve sat back in his chair, ostensibly reading the application on the datapad before him again.

In truth, however, he was observing the mech seated across the desk. The applicant’s appearance wasn’t remarkable, despite the bright and hopeful optics he fixed on Two-of-Twelve. His frame, while taut with tension as he awaited a decision on his request, was not flashy. In fact, despite his _unusual_ application, the silver-grey mech was heavy, dumpy, completely plain.

Apart from the V-shaped chestplate adornment of red and blue, that was, and didn’t that just pull the optic.

Not that Two-of-Twelve was so easily distracted. Requests to change function weren’t to be taken lightly. Normally such a request would be denied out-of-hand, but this time... well.

This time was a bit unique, to say the least.

And the only reason the mech had gotten this far was because of the small notation at the bottom of the application.

_Applicant has performed outstanding service and I recommend declaring him alt-mode exempt. Nine-of-Twelve._

Of course, there was no mention of exactly what that service had _been._ Two-of-Twelve couldn’t help his curiosity, but he also couldn’t just _ask._ He was supposed to already know these things. “Your current form serves its function,” Two-of-Twelve said, breaking the silence for the first time in several minutes and wondering if the mech’s answer would give him more information. “Laborers are necessary to Cybertronian society.”

The applicant leaned forward almost eagerly. “Laborers are necessary, yes, but I have another Primus-granted skill,” he said. “One that I think you’ll agree is even more useful to Cybertronian civilization than constructing and demolishing.”

 _Applicant has performed outstanding service..._ Two-of-Twelve was no closer to understanding what that meant, but it was clear that the applicant was certain that he would share Nine-of-Twelve’s opinion of his skills as well. Finally he mentally shrugged and decided that there was no way he was going to find out by hints. “Know that I will not be easily convinced,” he said sternly, “and that wasting my time carries heavy penalties.”

The applicant didn’t seem put off by the warnings, though. Instead he looked absolutely delighted as he stood and actually crossed the office to sit down right on top of Two-of-Twelve’s desk, and then even more outrageously, to pull Two-of-Twelve to his feet with surprising strength and tug him close.

“Don’t worry, sir,” he purred, wrapping his legs around Two-of-Twelve’s waist and nuzzling at his throat, “I promise this will not be a waste of your time.”

~~~

Two hours later, the applicant walked out of the Council Building with a spring in his step. Truly, that had been no hardship at all--there was a reason he’d been seeking the change to his classification. This new function would be _infinitely_ more enjoyable than working in construction, and he couldn’t keep from grinning as he pulled the precious datapad from his subspace to read the proclamation again.

_By order of the Functionist Council, the mech formerly known as Clang and classified as laborer has been declared Alt-Mode Exempt. Henceforth, his function shall be listed as Personal Therapist and his requested change of designation has been approved._

_[All Hail Valvotron.](https://team.valvoline.com/get/valvotron) _

**Author's Note:**

> ... you best believe I'm getting 5 quarts of that valve lubricant so I can send in my receipt and get this bad boy for my collection... bwahahahaha!
> 
> edited to add: I GOT HIM, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!


End file.
